[baptistery at the Cathédrale Saint Sauveur, Aix-en-Provence, a sixth-century font, one of the oldest in France]
Here is your theory and practice of ministry question for the day:
Make a compelling case for me why I should consent to doing a private baptism on a Saturday this fall rather than in the context of the Sunday liturgy.
As MP would say, off you go now.
12 comments:
The only time I agreed to a private baptism was when the candidate was a nine-year-old child with severe mental and physical disabilities --such that the candidate could not stand to be in a crowd of more than ten persons without freaking out--not possible in a congregation of several thousand. As a matter of fact, the child had to touch the water and oil many times before it could be applied, and the mom actually had to be the one to pat it on the child's forehead. There was no way the child was going to let me touch...
..something like that, or perhaps a million dollar donation?
Can't do it, luv.
Can't think of one.
The usual plea at least in my experience is that it's "the only time the family can be there" but I'm seldom convinced. And since we have a Saturday service, that really doesn't justify a private baptism.
My rector otoh will do a private baptism whenever someone asks :(
Only if there is a true pastoral reason -- which has happened once in 15 years of ordained ministry.
Tricia
I can't think of one. Why does the family want it?
They're offering to pay you a substantial sum of money and you're entirely bereft of scruples?
Various pastoral reasons have, in the past, convinced me to do this.
Firstly though, there is no such thing as a private baptism. There is, however, baptism administered outside of the normal worship service. If this is the case, a couple of church members should be present to represent the wider church community.
Pastoral reasons have included:
a) a convenient time for the family to gather together and be able to hold their familial party afterwards. Such social events should not be dismissed lightly.
b) the age of the candidate. Babies have no say, but adults may have deep reservations about going through what is seen as a child's ritual publicly. This does not reflect on their committment or faith.
c) Consideration for the church congregation. I have been in a parish where there was a baptism almost every Sunday. This means the congregation rarely experienced "normal" Sunday worship.
d) my own diary.
My question is, what would be merciful to the family? And what better equips the community (family, friends, and parishioners) to support the baptismal candidate in her/his life in Christ?
Special timing is one issue, and a "closed" baptism is another. I think the timing depends on what's possible for you and the parish, but my reading of the prayerbook says that it's the wider community who receives the child into the household of Christ.
Hmmmm.......
I suspect that I would reluctantly agree if it was the only way forward. I would insist on a discussion of what the parents think they are doing when they bring the child (we all are assuming it is a child?) to the baptistry.
If by 'private' you mean alternate time so the family can gather, I might insist on publishing an open invitation the preceding week. I think gathering the family is very important but the congregation is or should be family too.
FWIW
jimB
First, are they members of your congregation, or are they from an other tradition, or unchurched?
If from your congregation AND your parish has a good education program, then there is a question about how much a part of the congregation this family feels.
If they are not part of your congregation, then there would be the reasons for baptism that need to be considered. While we may have our ideas about what baptism means and how it is to be done. There are many who are left in the lurch of coming from traditions that taught, teach that a child unbaptized is, should something happen, relegated to limbo, purgatory or indeed hell. These people in their deepest soul hold this belief as part of their DNA as it were. While they may be somewhat relived when you tell them otherwise, there is still the doubt in their hearts and an occasional sleepless night of what ifs. Even though the reason for their "church" denying the child the rite, are pure in concept, there is a bit of spiritual blackmail going on. "Assent to our doctrines and beliefs or your child has no way out". I say act out of love to the wounded, it is the only way to open the door to these people. If you are personally bothered by not having it on Sunday or during a week day service, I am sure you have a list of numbers of parishioners who you could call to "just happen" to be there as representatives of the community of believers. Mission is about serving God first, and that is best done by taking each circumstance as it presents itself. Develop the relationship it takes to welcome the wounded back to Christ. We seldom get a second chance once we turn someone away.
My prayers are with you in this.
Love
Bruno
I've only done one "private" baptism and it was for pastoral reasons. An elderly woman told me she had never been baptized and she would like to be, but not in front of her congregation. She was not a member of my denomination, but a good friend. I asked if her pastor could be present and be her sponsor and she said yes. The three of us had a wonderful time. So I would say that there really has to be a good pastoral reason.
The words private and baptism do not compute.
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