Never believe the woman

When a woman comes out with an accusation of sexual harassment, the accused always will blame the woman, question her financial motives, her sexual life, basically do everything possible to discredit her.

I am jaded enough to think that these words are posturing because they follow a script we know too well. On the other hand, I don't think people have a clue what it takes to come forward with such an embarrassing truth of having had her personal space violated. Nor do I think people have an understanding of what it takes to have one's space violated. It does not have to be physical; it can be emotional and verbal. If the aggressor consistently brings sexual content into the conversation, that is as much harassment as having someone grope her.

With the accusations coming forward against Herman Cain, the posturing has started and his supporters are attacking her motives, her financial past and her lawyer. It is the usual modus operandi.

All I can say is that despite the occasional accusations that do not pan out (we will never really know the truth about Dominique Straus Kohn in NYC this May), there are far many more who speak an uncomfortable truth. There are far many more who speak out for their sisters who cannot or dare not speak the truth. They speak because they don't want someone else to go through what they have had to endure. Not all of them want recompense. They just want to be heard, to have their dignity restored, to assure themselves that the perpetrator will not be able to continue to violate people's space. One person speaks out and it unleashes the confessions of others because they understand that it is isolating to make such accusations alone and, moreover, if there has been one offense, often there are others.

Most of all, to come forward with such an accusation is not something taken lightly or frivolously. It is far, far too costly to do so precisely because she will be accused of trying to 'destroy his career,' or bringing it upon herself and on and on. To come forward takes guts... and a lot of support so that when the system closes around the accused and spins the stories, the accuser does not feel as though she is losing her mind because the system is going to want to make her think she is crazy.

How many times do we have to go through this — a powerful man (again, in most cases) infringing on the emotional and physical space of someone without power — to get it that there usually is a grain of truth in such accusations? On the twentieth anniversary of Professor Anita Hill (whom I believe) speaking in the hearings against the actions of Judge Clarence Thomas and subsequently being dragged through the mud and then some, things have not progressed at all. If anything, they have gone backward. Pretty sad.

And, in case you are wondering, I will believe the women until proven wrong. Why? Because I have been there, done that, and what I have described was my experience twenty-one years ago. The perp got off the hook, the system closed around him and we were simply worn down and too small to take on the system. Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose.